The Party in the Back of Your Mind
A lot of the time, our swirling, anxious, stressful thoughts feel like they're throwing a party "in the back of our minds." It's a constant hum of what-ifs, worries and whys. Music too loud, too many guests, nobody leaving.
Most of us try to ignore the noise, or we get pulled right into the middle of it. But what if we shifted from camera 1 to camera 2?
Changing the camera angle
From camera 1, we're in the party, swept up in every what-if as it happens. From camera 2, we step back and watch. From there, those "back of my mind" thoughts look less like noise and more like messengers.
They may be there to guide us in one of two directions: take action immediately, or pause and consider what's really going on.
When to act
That background hum is often a sign that our survival brain is involved. The amygdala plays a central role in scanning for threat and keeping us safe. When it's activated, our thinking narrows toward safety, and it's harder to reach nuance, complex thought and executive functioning.
If you're truly in danger, that's exactly what you want. Act. The party in the back of your mind is sounding the alarm for a reason.
When to pause
But most of the time, we're not in danger. That's when the "back of my mind" thoughts are inviting us to slow down and ask two questions:
How is this serving me?
Does this feel like a choice?
Here's what that can look like. A friend hasn't texted back, and in the back of your mind, the what-ifs start: What if she's upset with me? Why hasn't she answered? From camera 1, you're refreshing your phone all evening. From camera 2, you can see what's happening. You're not in danger. The worry isn't serving you; it's keeping you stuck. And the spiraling doesn't feel like a choice. So you make one: send a simple check-in text, or set the phone down and come back to your evening.
You get to choose the music
You don't have to shut the party down. Those thoughts are trying to tell you something. But from camera 2, you get to decide whether this is a moment to act or a moment to pause. Either way, you're the one choosing.
If you like this tip, share this post with a friend. And if you live near Huntington, NY, join me on 11/11 at 4 pm for Refill Your Cup with Molly England: Holiday Edition at Published. Reserve your spot here. Space is limited.
